Catalogue Porn

I can't help but think that it's true what they say: the clothes make the man. I sit here, drinking wine and browsing JackThreads, and I can't help but be surprisingly turned on. It's not that their models are particularily attractive, but the whole look that the site is selling is exactly what I go for in a guy. Cardigans, leather jackets and beards. I go crazy for flannel shirts, converse and maybe a fixie.

Been a teen and young adult in the scene where I live was hard in that regard. I have always been attracted to the sort of guy that this look suggests, but I was never the kind of girl that they were looking for. I was too young. I've never been slim or pale. It took me forever to figure out how my hair could look remotely pretty. I was painfully shy.

I've finally more or less come to terms with my body and with the boys of this town, which is easy to say now that I have Boyfriend. Also, some interesting memories of my buddy FrontMan spring to mind, but those are for another day.

*Jackthreads is totally free to join btw and it looks like you can get some sweet deals.

My Favourite Show

Buffy The Vampire Slayer AND Supernatural

I have to list the two, because it's almost like watching the same show just with a decade break. I wonder if loving Buffy primed me to fall in love with Supernatural. Who can say. I love a show that can laugh at itself. Ghosts, demons, vampires, Heaven and Hell all dealt with with almost as many jokes as bullets, stakes and spells put together. I adore the campiness. I can't get enough of watching old Buffy episodes. So many familiar storylines and faces that I'd forgotten about:

Seth Green as a tiny Oz: bass player and sometimes werewolf.
Willow slowly developing as a lesbian witch.
Spike's totally 80s look
The musical episode and Buffy's return from Heaven.
Joyce Summers and her selective memory.
Not to mention the hotness that was Angel (D.B. is still totally hot as Seeley Booth. I love Bones too.)


And now I've been able to watch Supernatural unfold with it's own mix of comedy, intrigue and hotness. I thought I would die laughing when I watched the Supernatural Convention episode or when Castiel said that he drank a liquor store. And it was sort of obvious and unbelieveable all at once when the angel storyline was introduced. That's something that I've really enjoyed the past couple of seasons, the way they've put a new spin on stories we've heard before: Aliens, monster movies and fairy tales. Also, Sam and Dean are both babes. Sam's hair has gotten progressively worse over time, but he has become increasingly attractive without a shirt on. Dean is just too handsome for life.

The Person I Have Been Closest With The Longest

Bestfriend

Bestfriend and I have been close since ninth grade. I feel priviledged to be a person whose been able to see past the surface. When you get past the blonde hair, the makeup and the bravado, you find an endearing and complex human being. She's smarter than anyone gives her credit for. Her writing is incredible. When she loves, she does so with her whole heart. She loves her family and she'd die defending them, no matter how mad they may have made her the minute before. Bestfriend has verbally and physically assaulted more than one guy over the years defending me. She's tough. She's maybe the strongest person I've ever met. She's gone through Hell and back, and she's turned her life around; I've never been prouder in my life than I am every day that I see how far she's come.

Ten Facts About Me

1. I am an unemployed, bi-racial woman in my early twenties.

2. I have loved my boyfriend for 5 years. We've been dating for 2. I'm praying I can get my act together in time for us to make it last.

3. I am no longer "too cool" for pop music. I will play my Bright Eyes and The Mountain Goats followed by Ke$ha and Gaga.

4. I don't have to 'get it' to think "it" is funny. I will laugh, because I am easily amused and love to laugh.

5. I have emails in my inbox from back in '06. I am an e-packrat.

6. Of my 3 closest friends, 2 I have known since the beginning of grade nine, and one I've known since grade 5. Our friendships have aged like fine wine.

7. I recently had contact with my father for the first time in 18 years.

8. As a teenager, I thought that having a song written about me would be the most romantic thing ever. Now I know that it is, but it's also painful.

9. I'm not sure if I'm sad or happy that Martin and Dora broke up. I think their relationship reminds me of Boyfriend and I. They were so good together, but their issues were intense.

10. I really want my copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower back. It is possibly my favourite book of all time.

Writing Challenge

So I'm thinking of adapting facebook's 30 day photo challenge. No photos, 30 posts, but will take much longer, just for my blog instead of for my facebook aquaintences. Here is the line up:

- Ten facts about me

- The person I have been closest with the longest

- My favorite show

- About my night

- My favorite memory

- A person I'd love to trade places with for a day

- My most treasured item

- Something that makes me laugh

- The person who has gotten you through the most

- The person you do the most ****** up things with

- Something you hate

- Something you love

- My favorite band or artist

- Someone I could never imagine my life without

-Something I want to do before I die

- Someone who inspires me

- Something that has made a huge impact on my life recently

- My biggest insecurity

- A picture and a letter

- Somewhere I'd love to travel

- Something I wish I could forget

- Something I wish I was better at

- My favorite book

- Something I wish I could change

- My day

- Something that means a lot to me

- A family member

- Something I'm afraid of

- Something that can always make me smile

- Someone you miss

- Me

Home

Living with my parents again is interesting. There are pros and cons. On the positive side, I get to see my mom every day. I'll be able to go to lunch with her during the week. Also, I'll be able to see my best friends more often. It was so hard to see them when I was living in Kitchener, I feel like I missed out on a lot. On the other hand, I'd be a liar if I said that I always felt at home here. It's been 12 years, and somehow, sometimes, this still doesn't feel like a family. I feel like a guest in any room but my own. I feel like I'm falling back into my old patterns. My rut. I don't want to olet myself do that. I have to get out from under my issues before I sink entirely. I can already identify the things that are going to be issues. I have to nip this in the bud.

I miss living with him. I miss having our own place. I miss the view and all the light from those enormous windows. I miss walking downtown. I miss seeing him all the time. I maybe even miss him asking me to make tea every ten minutes. I miss the way he'd never let me go to bed mad. I miss the way he'd kiss my face. He always made me feel safe. Times were tough, but at least we were together.

Looking For My Get-Up-And-Go

No one has ever really expected any of me before. Nothing that I couldn't easily deliver. It seems strange to say that as a child I was too well adjusted. I was too smart. I was too likeable. I mean that in the sense that I've never really had to work for anything in my life. Everything has just fallen into my lap. School was easy; and when it eventually wasn't, I failed. And everyone let me, because I'm likeable. Teachers gave me the benefit of the doubt that I'd learned the material, even when I didn't do the work. And I did know it, but you can't pass highschool courses without doing any work. Eventually, you need to put something down on paper. That was what I never learned to do. I have no work ethic. I don't know that I've ever succeeded at anything that took any real personal determination. I've always just been good at things and/or had someone else making sure I followed through. Now there's noone making sure that I follow through, I'm lacking on the follow-through. I want to be a responsible adult (hold down a job, pay my bills, keep clean dishes in the cupboard, get the laundry done, etc.) but I'm holding myself back. And I'm holding Boyfriend back as well. He can't do it all and deal with my emotional issue and deal with his own issues as well. He needs me to pull my own weight. I need me to pull my own weight. "I forget who it was that recommended men for their soul's good to do each day two things they disliked: it was a wise man"(W. Somerset Maugham: Moon and Sixpence). I need to start taking this recommendation to heart. I have to learn to suck it up and get things done in life. I can't go on spending the rest of my life trying to feel good without earning it unless I want to become a drug addict/vagrant/criminal and die young. I have to invest my time/energy into actually improving my life. That's the only way Boyfriend and I will make it. It's the only way that I'll make it.